Role reversal for the caregiver often results in fiery reactions. Role reversal consists of the adult child parenting the parent. The reversal becomes necessary when aging parents become a danger to themselves or require more help.
A classic example of this dynamic is taking the car keys away from a parent. Driving equals independence. An activity not easily relinquished. One aging parent I know of drove their car into a pond. My own experience was easier. My dad relinquished his keys, finally. Thankfully a confrontation avoided.
The tables turn long before taking the car keys. Responsibilities once handled with ease by your loved one now necessitate help. For example my dad was hard of hearing. Ordering his medications on the pharmacy telephone prompt was difficult.
Role reversal creates discomfort for most of us. I was used to taking orders from my dad and being the good daughter. New roles are difficult and require learning on both sides.
Awareness
Awareness of the need for role reversal is the first step in transitioning.
Be respectful of your parents’ wishes and preferences. Allow them to keep as much independence and choice as long as possible.
Remember your loved one does not like the aging process and loss of independence any more than you do. They may be grieving loss.
Expect angry flares from individuals who have difficulty expressing feelings.
For example when my dad downsized he parted with several possessions and created a storage area for other items. Not realizing his feelings I began to clean out the storage area of what I thought was junk. This angered him. Allowing him to keep his belongings for as long as he wanted was not a big deal. Communication beforehand may have helped.
As you transition into different roles be gentle with yourself and your loved one. Everyone is doing the best they can.
Bible Verse
Psalm 68:4-5 New International Version (NIV)B
4 Sing to God, sing in praise of his name,
extol him who rides on the clouds[a];
rejoice before him—his name is the Lord.
5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his holy dwelling
© 2019, Nanette M. Holloway, All Rights Reserved
