Good Boundaries Begin with NO - Nanette M. Holloway

good boundaries begin with no

Good boundaries begin with “No”. A small word yet difficult to say. No is the “other magic word.”

Caregivers and individuals in caring occupations typically give beyond their comfort zone. Others may take advantage of their giving nature. This leads to becoming a door mat or target for manipulation.

Being a people pleaser doesn’t help the situation either. Trying to make everyone happy can end in a futile, waste of energy and resources.

Finding balance is the key. Most of us have grown up doing what we’re told. Saying no to those in authority creates discomfort. As a caregiver caring for aging parent now requires an occasional no.

My own experience in telling my father no was difficult. One snowy day he had a doctor appointment. My husband, already out on the road in a diesel truck advised against getting out on the road. Telling my dad we had better not go, resulted in him getting mad and making the 30 mile trip himself.

Still mad when he got home, he wondered why I wouldn’t take him. I replied, “What am I going to do if I get stranded with a 90 year old man?” End of conversation

Saying no makes us uncomfortable. What if the other person gets mad? Or results in the loss of a friend?

When people love you they will get over being mad. If you lose a friend, they may not have been a good friend.

Anger or resentment of your loved one is probably a good clue that you need to say no.

Learning to Set Boundaries is a Journey

Thankfully my own journey landed me in a 12 step group. AL anon Family Support Group. The structure of the meetings and loving help from members provided tools needed to make good boundaries and say no.

Setting boundaries takes practice and good communication skills. The end results are a happier you. Begin your journey today.