Establishing healthy boundaries as a caregiver is difficult. Good boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship. But as a caregiver establishing boundaries is compounded by role reversal.
Role Reversal
Simply stated role reversal consists of the adult child parenting the parent. Reversing roles is like stepping into a muddy swamp. At least that was my experience. My dad was fiercely independent, accustomed to being in control, and just plain stubborn. He did not take kindly to new boundaries. Lots of tense moments followed my first attempts. But with time my dad became more responsive.
Peaceful Relationships
Healthy boundaries create peace in relationships. When setting boundaries be clear about what you want and need. Since one of my needs was to home school my children in the morning, I needed my dad to make doctor appointments in the afternoon. He wanted morning appointments at first. I had to clearly and calmly (that’s the hard part) tell him what I needed.
Learn to Say NO
No is the “other” magic word. But boy does it conjure up guilt. False guilt. My memory serves me very well on this issue.Telling my dad no was hard, because I was used to being a good daughter and doing what I was told. His fierce response made my hair blow back. Then came tears.
A Secret Weapon of Safety
Healthy boundaries are like a secret weapon of safety we give to ourselves. Establishing them takes practice and time. No one likes change, but gently and firmly state your needs. A must have resource is the book by Henry Cloud. Boundaries, complete with a workbook He also has a blog page.
The creation of healthy boundaries will eventually create a safe space for you. Setting limits around unhealthy behavior, or saying no is difficult initially. Begin establishing healthy boundaries and take care of yourself.
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© 2019, Nanette M. Holloway, All Rights Reserved
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