My emotions as a caregiver were intense and all consuming. The stress surrounding the role of care giving often distorted and amplified emotions. Unhealthy family dynamics raised their ugly head demanding attention at the most awkward of times.
Guilt was often a central emotion triggered by the demands and anger of my dad who did not feel good. Guilt feelings were compounded by my people pleasing efforts, which never worked. An unhealthy dose of perfectionism topped the emotional heap off.
That pretty much describes my care giving experience with my elderly father who I adored. Trying to fix all that was wrong failed. This left me frustrated and guilt ridden. Feelings of powerlessness rose up when my efforts to make my dad feel better failed. When he did not eat or got angry over nothing the perfectionist in me suffered. Guilt occurred when my own short comings surfaced in response to difficult situations. Maybe my tone was too harsh or my attitude bad due to lack of sleep and stress. My performance was frequently short of unrealistic expectations. More guilt.
Helping our Loved Ones
Guard Against False Guilt
Guarding against false guilt can benefit your care giving journey.
You did not cause the illness or chronic condition your loved one is experiencing.
- Let go of what you can’t control—illness, poor appetite, poor attitudes, arguing about things you can’t control. This can be an endless list.
- Accept what you cannot control—yes this is difficult.
- Everyone is doing their best, which may not be very good.
Let go of perfection—care giving is messy. - Allow yourself to make mistakes and be human.
- Let go of unrealistic expectations
Remember you are doing a difficult if not impossible job. All you can do is your best one day at time. You are doing a wonderful job taking care of your loved one. Keep going.
© 2019, Nanette M. Holloway, All Rights Reserved
