Selective Mutism

As a child with selective silence or selective mutism, one would think I was lonely. But my brother, and a lifelong friend, Sarah Jane, kept my happiness gauge on full. We had a close-knit group in my small community church in Sunday School and later youth group. And my parents were loving, although at times my mother was anxious and critical. Not perfect parents. who only exist in an unknown utopia.

Environmental contributions toward my selective silence played a role. For instance, my dad was extremely hard of hearing and did not talk much. He was silent just like me, and I did not feel like I had to talk. So, there was no pressure with my dad. But my mom talked incessantly, and I did not want to be like her.

And although my mother tended to be critical, she was supportive in her way, encouraging me to speak up.  She taught me how to bake and cook, which lent itself to healthy creative outlets. She also taught me to embroidery and sew.

Causes of Selective Silence

Research shows that selective mutism is rare, affecting approximately 4% of the population, or one out of 164 children. Demographics include primarily females, with an onset of symptoms between 2-6. The child can speak normally at home and with individuals with whom they are familiar. Other social situations and school are where the difficulty begins.

Behavior is often described as shy timid, socially awkward, anxious, insecure, and sometimes motionless or even rude.

The condition stems from social anxiety or phobia.  An area of the brain, the amygdala, perceives danger signals from the environment when stimulated and causes communication to shut down from a fear response.

The condition does not usually continue into adulthood, although in some instances it may. In my case selective silence continued into my thirties.

Working as an RN was difficult. Surrounded by aggressive personalities, my tendency was to shrink into the background. My silence seemed to attract the bullies, and I ended up being the scapegoat in most units.

Early in my career I sought the help from a free resource for women, who like me who needed help in one area or another. My first question to the sweet lady who listened to me was, “What does it mean to be assertive?” She explained and we did some simple role playing, but my situation required more assistance. I came to enjoy counseling because of the one-on-one discussion, and being able to speak freely to a person, even if it was a counselor.

God’s Goodness

 Then a close friend took me to a Christian women’s retreat in Hot Springs, AR. The event was life changing for me, and I ended up being delivered from my silent shell. I was about thirty-five at the time. My silence no longer an issue, but at times, in large groups I preferred to “listen” more than talk.

God is good. He meets us where we are and helps us to grow out of self-limiting conditions and beliefs that no longer serve us or keep us “stuck”.

God is good. He meets us where we are and helps us to grow out of self-limiting conditions and beliefs that no longer serve us or keep us “stuck”.

© 2024 Nanette M. Holloway—All Rights Reserved

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